What You Should Not Do at a Cemetery — Traditions and Church Rules
What really matters and what is just superstition — going through it one by one
There are countless prohibitions surrounding behavior at a cemetery — some of them have religious roots, others are folk traditions, and still others are simply common sense. This article tells them apart.
Church rules: what the Orthodox tradition says
Do not wail or cry loudly. The Orthodox Church teaches that trust in God comes before grief. Restraint in mourning is not indifference but an expression of faith in the resurrection. This is especially true of St. Thomas Sunday and Radonitsa: these are Easter days, and loud wailing on them looks like a denial of Easter.
Do not leave alcohol and food on the grave. The Orthodox Church speaks out directly against this tradition. Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh wrote that leaving vodka and eggs is a pagan custom unrelated to prayer for the soul. If you want to commemorate someone — it is better to give food to a person in need in the name of the deceased.
Do not hold a funeral feast at the grave. Sitting on the grave, setting a table and drinking goes against the spirit of the Church. The memorial meal is traditionally held at home.
Do not come before sunrise or after sunset. This is not a church prohibition but a widely accepted custom: cemeteries are open during daytime, and visiting them at night is taboo in most cultures.
Folk customs: what is rational in them
"Do not step on the grave." Of course — this is simply respect for the place of burial. Practically: do not walk on the mound, because it settles, and walking damages what has been sown and the planted flowers.
"Do not whistle at the cemetery." A whistle is a loud sound, out of place in a place of silence and grief. There is a rational kernel to it.
"Do not take anything home from the cemetery." Practically — you should not take flowers, objects or gravel from other people's graves. It is improper toward other visitors, and the cemetery administration prohibits it.
"Do not come on your birthday." A folk belief that has no confirmation in either Orthodox or Greek Catholic teaching. If it is convenient to come on that day — no one is breaking any rules.
Rules of cemetery administrations
Every cemetery has its own regulations, but there are common points:
- Do not bring animals without a muzzle and a leash
- Do not litter or leave bags outside the bins
- Do not park cars on the paths between sectors
- Do not play loud music
- Do not carry out any work without coordinating with the administration (installing a monument or a fence)
Unauthorized work at cemeteries is subject to fines. If you plan to build or change something — contact the administration in advance.
What is allowed and what is encouraged
Cleaning and caring for a grave is not only allowed but is also a moral duty. Lighting candles and lamps is a tradition supported by all denominations. Leaving fresh flowers is good. Praying is natural.
Photographing a grave for personal needs (to send to relatives or to preserve the memory) is normal practice. Photographing other people's graves for the purpose of publishing them online is improper without the relatives' permission.
On eating and alcohol at the cemetery
The family tradition of "sitting down at the grave" with bread and a shot of liquor is firmly rooted in many regions — especially in rural areas. The Church does not approve of it, but it does not impose any sanctions either. If your family does this — it is a matter of family custom and conscience.
The main thing: do not leave behind alcohol, food and plastic. It pollutes the cemetery and offends those who clean it.